The Heart of a Woman

When a mother first hear the words (your pregnant) all kinds of emotions come from the announcement. Those emotions are guided by the circumstance or the present state you were in or even the relationship. Some of the emotions are pure joy and excitement, other times it’s the response of this can’t be and sometimes it’s just plain numbness. Not realizing that it is a blessing to be carrying such a jewel.

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Yet we have to look at the reasons for some of the not so great response to pregnancy. If the baby was conceived as an act of rape how do you process those emotions? What about living in a domestic violence situation and you know in your heart it’s not an environment to raise a child. Or how about a one night stand and you know the person would never or has even told you that they do not want any kids. Or what about a marriage that is falling apart and headed to a nasty divorce and the child becomes the pon on a chess board, what about a baby that was the result of an affair.

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Women are left with such a heavy weight when it comes to pregnancy that I really don’t think we consider all that goes along with being pregnant. It’s not just finding out, now it’s the body change, you have to eat right,  there are sometimes complications, family history illnesses that pop up in the pregnancy. How do you deal with it, who do you talk to? Where do you really go to get the answers that you need? How do you prepare?

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We are task with such a great honor to be able to mold the individual growing inside making acquaintances and connecting with the unborn child. However the stress of pregnancy can take on a life of its own and we never consider that we are not prepared for the curve balls of pregnancy.

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Did we really understand gestational diabetes, did we really understand the importance of eating right and not smoking. Did we really understand the importance of not gaining weight too fast? Did we really understand being in a stressful relationship could cause strain on the pregnancy? Did we really understand the way our womb is position can cause problems? Did we understand endometriosis and being pregnant? Did we understand fibroids?  Did we really understand how close to death we could be just to bring a life into this world?

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In those 9 months life happens. The changes take place but in those nine months heartache can happen just as quickly as the announcement of being pregnant.

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What do you do when you are pregnant in your fallopian tubes? What do you do when you have multiple miscarriages because your womb is tilted and you can’t hold the baby? What do you do when you learn of the sex and you wait for that beautiful face to arrive but the heart stops its beat, and you have to deliver the baby that is not alive anymore? What do you do when your fibroids are smothering the child you are carrying? What do you do when there is a need for an emergency c- section because the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck?

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There are so many pressures in being pregnant; post partum depression is real for mothers. We as women take on a lot and we consume a lot. Just being a woman is a job within itself but when you add the elements of being pregnant and the scariness that goes along with it; along with the excitement it can cause you to lose your mind.

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In our grief in losing a child we need to talk about it as hard as it seems and I am not telling you something I think I’m telling you something I know. This could cause you to lose your mind and no one unless they have experienced it will understand what you are going through and it doesn’t matter the age it is still painful. Your body has been repositioned to hold precious cargo and all that is left is the body that reflects what you were holding. Your emotions go into overdrive you blame yourself, you ask the questions why me, you become angry and sad at the same time, you want to die yourself, you feel less than a woman, your thoughts consumes you in this process. What do I do now?

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It takes a strong woman to fight for herself. Sometimes other children help you get through but when you don’t have other children it’s a fight that is never ending. You say to yourself, there are woman who abuse their babies and God took mine, why? Ladies the struggle is real. It is a battle that affects every woman differently but what I can say, is you can’t deny the pain in losing a child that is one area that could cause you to lose your mind literally.

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I want you to evaluate all that we as woman go through in the stages of pregnancy, let’s share our hurts ups and down ins and outs all the complications, the denials from the men, the rejection, the making you feel bad because after the baby is born your body has changed.

 

Let us love ourselves back to ourselves let nothing or no one make us feel less than in this time. We are women who carry a lot just being a woman. Let us find strength in that.